Thursday, December 17, 2009
Work
I finally got a job.
I cannot believe how much I needed it.
I keep thinking I can live a freewheeling, unstructured life - but when I'm in the midst of one, without something to focus on, I end up sitting around at home not doing all the things I mean to, and not talking to anyone for hours on end, and in general trying to find some structure outside myself to cling to. It gets very weird.
I'm working with computers again - something I thought I'd sworn off. However, at 20 hours a week, 12pm-5pm Monday through Thursday, the work is more than tolerable. It's so unbelievably pleasant to have a good reason to leave the house each morning! I ride the bus, read a book or better yet, organize the order of operations for all the other little things that need getting done for the week.
I stare out at the river every time the bus grumbles across the bridge.
Other less rainy and cold times, I bike to work.
I can purchase my own health care for 1/2 the price now (I know - not fantastic) and I get paid money. For some reason, this completely shifts my relationship to money and makes me a lot more careful and aware about our household spending. How does that work?
The most amazing thing?
The free food.
I had forgotten how much food just shows up in break rooms. The place I'm working is particularly foodie. They have a lot of meetings which I don't have to attend that generate all manner of tasty meals! Yesterday? Pasta, organic green salad, fresh bread. The day before? Quiche, sausage, biscuits, potato cakes, eggs. There's a box of leftover cheese from the holiday party, and there's hot coffee every day.
One last thing that is really lovely about working: every day I pass the Museum of Contemporary Craft. Yesterday I looked in and there was a large gallery room full of various sized, spinning, clear glass domes with something like a turntable needle made of gauze on their edges. The domes are dispersed throughout the room on the walls. I didn't have time to go in, but I could tell they were making sounds. After work, I popped my head in, and the most beautiful ethereal sounds floated around the space.
I can't wait to go back and spend time in there hearing the composition! The show goes until January 9th. I probably wouldn't have known if I hadn't gotten this job.
Every day I am finding so many little reasons to be grateful for work.
I cannot believe how much I needed it.
I keep thinking I can live a freewheeling, unstructured life - but when I'm in the midst of one, without something to focus on, I end up sitting around at home not doing all the things I mean to, and not talking to anyone for hours on end, and in general trying to find some structure outside myself to cling to. It gets very weird.
I'm working with computers again - something I thought I'd sworn off. However, at 20 hours a week, 12pm-5pm Monday through Thursday, the work is more than tolerable. It's so unbelievably pleasant to have a good reason to leave the house each morning! I ride the bus, read a book or better yet, organize the order of operations for all the other little things that need getting done for the week.
I stare out at the river every time the bus grumbles across the bridge.
Other less rainy and cold times, I bike to work.
I can purchase my own health care for 1/2 the price now (I know - not fantastic) and I get paid money. For some reason, this completely shifts my relationship to money and makes me a lot more careful and aware about our household spending. How does that work?
The most amazing thing?
The free food.
I had forgotten how much food just shows up in break rooms. The place I'm working is particularly foodie. They have a lot of meetings which I don't have to attend that generate all manner of tasty meals! Yesterday? Pasta, organic green salad, fresh bread. The day before? Quiche, sausage, biscuits, potato cakes, eggs. There's a box of leftover cheese from the holiday party, and there's hot coffee every day.
One last thing that is really lovely about working: every day I pass the Museum of Contemporary Craft. Yesterday I looked in and there was a large gallery room full of various sized, spinning, clear glass domes with something like a turntable needle made of gauze on their edges. The domes are dispersed throughout the room on the walls. I didn't have time to go in, but I could tell they were making sounds. After work, I popped my head in, and the most beautiful ethereal sounds floated around the space.
I can't wait to go back and spend time in there hearing the composition! The show goes until January 9th. I probably wouldn't have known if I hadn't gotten this job.
Every day I am finding so many little reasons to be grateful for work.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
New Experience
I was just having breakfast with friends yesterday morning and we were all bitching about how perfect pitch almost seems a thing of the past with pitch controlling software.
Then I got home and found a tweet with this video.
The video didn't really put my bitching to shame but it made me reconsider dismissing voice control technology off the cuff. It also made me learn about what this stuff is actually called. A phase vocoder is the tool used to shape pitch.
Pitch shifting is the term to describe shaping pitch, though I'd also heard "auto tuning" - which turns out to be a specific program which shifts pitch.
In the face of popular music being composed almost entirely by machines, including computer generated lyrics, it becomes easy to feel like the music industry cares less about their audience than previously thought possible.
Another friend recently asked me my opinion on this. After thinking it over a few times now, I have come to the conclusion that anything created by computers is still in some basic way created by human beings - because we created the computers in the first place, right? We describe the form and parameters of the music. We are the ones that have the requirements of what the music should be, and define what the computers will do to generate it, and ultimately what their finished product will be.
If people like the music created by computers, then we ultimately sign off on their finished product and accept it. A homemade apple pie tastes quite different than a frozen one, but all apple pies are ultimated created by people at some level in the production process with help from technology, and for (presumably) human consumption and enjoyment. If I ever see my lappy mowwing down a pie, I'll be both terrified and curious what it thinks of it. Perhaps it would prefer a Sarah Lee?
Despite their generic sound, these little vocoder videos I've just been turned on to are not the run-of-the-mill pop song, obviously. These pay homage to our passionate hopers and thinkers. Plus, it's fun to see Steven Hawking in a music video, and Carl Sagan sounds so much like Kermit the Frog my head might explode.
Somehow these little digital songs lend greater perspective to the question of pop music being computer generated, because after all, if you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
Then I got home and found a tweet with this video.
The video didn't really put my bitching to shame but it made me reconsider dismissing voice control technology off the cuff. It also made me learn about what this stuff is actually called. A phase vocoder is the tool used to shape pitch.
Pitch shifting is the term to describe shaping pitch, though I'd also heard "auto tuning" - which turns out to be a specific program which shifts pitch.
In the face of popular music being composed almost entirely by machines, including computer generated lyrics, it becomes easy to feel like the music industry cares less about their audience than previously thought possible.
Another friend recently asked me my opinion on this. After thinking it over a few times now, I have come to the conclusion that anything created by computers is still in some basic way created by human beings - because we created the computers in the first place, right? We describe the form and parameters of the music. We are the ones that have the requirements of what the music should be, and define what the computers will do to generate it, and ultimately what their finished product will be.
If people like the music created by computers, then we ultimately sign off on their finished product and accept it. A homemade apple pie tastes quite different than a frozen one, but all apple pies are ultimated created by people at some level in the production process with help from technology, and for (presumably) human consumption and enjoyment. If I ever see my lappy mowwing down a pie, I'll be both terrified and curious what it thinks of it. Perhaps it would prefer a Sarah Lee?
Despite their generic sound, these little vocoder videos I've just been turned on to are not the run-of-the-mill pop song, obviously. These pay homage to our passionate hopers and thinkers. Plus, it's fun to see Steven Hawking in a music video, and Carl Sagan sounds so much like Kermit the Frog my head might explode.
Somehow these little digital songs lend greater perspective to the question of pop music being computer generated, because after all, if you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
Monday, November 30, 2009
NaBloPoMo Ends... for me anyway
I finally did it. I thoroughly flaked on National Blog Posting Month. Funny. It felt pretty darn good.
There are times when I find my Internet use spikes - and what that looks like at home is: I'm feeling lonely and bored, my "real" life is feeling kind of empty and insecure, and I don't know what to do with my time.
The end of this month evolved into something exactly the opposite. In fact, for this entire month it's felt difficult and artificial to blog as there have been so many incredible people to interact with in person.
I spent a huge percentage of the month working with artists I admire and respect with "Stay for the Cake." I bumbled along over-enthusiastically attempting to make a new friend. I patched up decade-old mistakes with an old friend and felt my heart fill up to bursting with love and relief. My family sent me a box of birthday goodies (they come without fail each year). I'm so lucky to have them. I spent Thanksgiving with my father-in-law and his wife relaxed, entertained, safe and welcome. I saw Lincoln Crockett play at Mississippi Studios last night and was transported song after song. I love my husband more than I thought possible, more each day.
The cumulative affection of a lifetime is The Thing that keeps me holding on.
I've been so engaged in others that I haven't been connected to writing. It seems like I should be able to do both, though.
Do you ever wonder where your focussed creative energy seems to drift away to? I find myself wishing I were a great writer, actor, musician, painter, whatever...yet I always come back to people and social connection - my most creative venue.
I turned 40 this weekend. For the first time in my life it was so very clearly not about how many people love me or what people gave me to prove it. It was about how to love people even better, communicate that clearly, give what I can so their lives are improved. Where the heck did that come from?! Is this my creative calling in life? I don't feel much better at loving people than writing, or the litany of other things I wish I were better at. It's just something I can't help wanting to do. Is simply loving people a form of creation and artistic expression?
Since I didn't have much in the way of words to share this month, I'd like to bring your attention to a new link I've added to my blog roll. It's not actually a blog. Rather a radio station and so much more! The Free Music Guy!
This is my friend Matt's site. He and his wife Jenya are uncontrollably creative and their drive and output have always inspired me to try to live a completely engaging life off the computer. We partly moved to Portland so that we could better emulate them in calling our own shots.
Enjoy the music. Now go out and make some of your own!
There are times when I find my Internet use spikes - and what that looks like at home is: I'm feeling lonely and bored, my "real" life is feeling kind of empty and insecure, and I don't know what to do with my time.
The end of this month evolved into something exactly the opposite. In fact, for this entire month it's felt difficult and artificial to blog as there have been so many incredible people to interact with in person.
I spent a huge percentage of the month working with artists I admire and respect with "Stay for the Cake." I bumbled along over-enthusiastically attempting to make a new friend. I patched up decade-old mistakes with an old friend and felt my heart fill up to bursting with love and relief. My family sent me a box of birthday goodies (they come without fail each year). I'm so lucky to have them. I spent Thanksgiving with my father-in-law and his wife relaxed, entertained, safe and welcome. I saw Lincoln Crockett play at Mississippi Studios last night and was transported song after song. I love my husband more than I thought possible, more each day.
The cumulative affection of a lifetime is The Thing that keeps me holding on.
I've been so engaged in others that I haven't been connected to writing. It seems like I should be able to do both, though.
Do you ever wonder where your focussed creative energy seems to drift away to? I find myself wishing I were a great writer, actor, musician, painter, whatever...yet I always come back to people and social connection - my most creative venue.
I turned 40 this weekend. For the first time in my life it was so very clearly not about how many people love me or what people gave me to prove it. It was about how to love people even better, communicate that clearly, give what I can so their lives are improved. Where the heck did that come from?! Is this my creative calling in life? I don't feel much better at loving people than writing, or the litany of other things I wish I were better at. It's just something I can't help wanting to do. Is simply loving people a form of creation and artistic expression?
Since I didn't have much in the way of words to share this month, I'd like to bring your attention to a new link I've added to my blog roll. It's not actually a blog. Rather a radio station and so much more! The Free Music Guy!
This is my friend Matt's site. He and his wife Jenya are uncontrollably creative and their drive and output have always inspired me to try to live a completely engaging life off the computer. We partly moved to Portland so that we could better emulate them in calling our own shots.
Enjoy the music. Now go out and make some of your own!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
L'il Buddy
This little guy or gal was maybe two inches long, and completely unperturbed by my huge face and camera. The warmth of the sun won out. Cave Junction, Oregon, early September 2009.
The sheets are freezing right now. Lucky Lizard. Hope he/she has a nice warm burrow for the night.
The sheets are freezing right now. Lucky Lizard. Hope he/she has a nice warm burrow for the night.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Warm thoughts for a cool day
Here's a nice spring memory for this business-like late autumn day:
A gentle reminder that spring will come again someday and I can make madeleines anytime I want.
A gentle reminder that spring will come again someday and I can make madeleines anytime I want.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Moving to Portland - The Next Phase
The boxes of 20 years worth of collected stuff from my life in California sitting in my basement, still needing to be sorted out and most of the contents passed on to someone who will actually use them... this stuff was a good reason for a while to avoid the next steps in arriving in Portland.
Sure, I've been here in body, and a huge chunk of my creative self rooted right away and grew like crazy. However, my heart has been quietly turned and facing south and west since I arrived, and hasn't budged to face the truth.
The stuff in the basement masterfully does what stuff is so good at doing: providing excuses for questionable behavior. See, stuff can provide excuses for everything. The most obviously painful one is war. The recent oil wars are all about access to the stuff that keeps cars running, which allows for greater consumption of resources and, you guessed it, stuff. Cars seem outwardly like a "need," but really a car is just a piece of stuff when you boil it down. Cars allow for some cool experiences - like travelling and at times, a distinctly profound sense of freedom. However, it's also a vehicle to get stuff into your home, move stuff around, and even get stuff for, like radios, chains, repairs, and my own personal weakness: chrome skull-head gear shift knobs. I even have car related stuff in the basement to sort out from all the other stuff.
Oil, cars, and wars aside - locally, today is a blustery day. As big wind often does, it's blown the loose, surface feelings right out of my hands that I've been wanting to let go of, and it's left me feeling scrubbed clean, and my nerves exposed.
Those nerve endings are reaching up and out for human connection like healthy young twigs on trees - and they are just as strong, tender, green and vulnerable.
The difference in this autumn from the last few is that I am not dormant. Fall has always been full of awakening and growth but the last three or four years, I'd felt shut down. I am so awake now, though, it's startling.
In starting the STUFF concept on the blog this month, less than midway through I found I'd dropped it. Just looking in it's direction was so revealing that I had to take a step back.
Today, I clearly see it's not the stuff that's the problem. I'd confused the concept of "unpacking" with "arriving". It's not the stuff still in boxes holding me back from my imminent arrival. It's the heart dragging it's pulsey feet, still wandering lonely on Hwy 101, openly missing it's big heart friends in the Bay Area.
In seeing this clearly, I can at least finally take some time to indulge my heart's need to face homeward and also to turn north and east and take that big last step. Today, I'm consciously allowing my love be fly down to the Bay Area (and Kentucky, Scotland, Luxembourg, Seattle, Canada, Arizona and all the other places on the planet holding the lovely people I know) as I line a great soft nest for my heart to alight in.
The rest of me is almost here. I wonder what we'll do when I finally arrive?
I looked for pictures from my trip in August to post with this entry. Somehow this one seems to say it all.
John Magee and Buddy the Special Needs Goat - click to enlarge.
Sure, I've been here in body, and a huge chunk of my creative self rooted right away and grew like crazy. However, my heart has been quietly turned and facing south and west since I arrived, and hasn't budged to face the truth.
The stuff in the basement masterfully does what stuff is so good at doing: providing excuses for questionable behavior. See, stuff can provide excuses for everything. The most obviously painful one is war. The recent oil wars are all about access to the stuff that keeps cars running, which allows for greater consumption of resources and, you guessed it, stuff. Cars seem outwardly like a "need," but really a car is just a piece of stuff when you boil it down. Cars allow for some cool experiences - like travelling and at times, a distinctly profound sense of freedom. However, it's also a vehicle to get stuff into your home, move stuff around, and even get stuff for, like radios, chains, repairs, and my own personal weakness: chrome skull-head gear shift knobs. I even have car related stuff in the basement to sort out from all the other stuff.
Oil, cars, and wars aside - locally, today is a blustery day. As big wind often does, it's blown the loose, surface feelings right out of my hands that I've been wanting to let go of, and it's left me feeling scrubbed clean, and my nerves exposed.
Those nerve endings are reaching up and out for human connection like healthy young twigs on trees - and they are just as strong, tender, green and vulnerable.
The difference in this autumn from the last few is that I am not dormant. Fall has always been full of awakening and growth but the last three or four years, I'd felt shut down. I am so awake now, though, it's startling.
In starting the STUFF concept on the blog this month, less than midway through I found I'd dropped it. Just looking in it's direction was so revealing that I had to take a step back.
Today, I clearly see it's not the stuff that's the problem. I'd confused the concept of "unpacking" with "arriving". It's not the stuff still in boxes holding me back from my imminent arrival. It's the heart dragging it's pulsey feet, still wandering lonely on Hwy 101, openly missing it's big heart friends in the Bay Area.
In seeing this clearly, I can at least finally take some time to indulge my heart's need to face homeward and also to turn north and east and take that big last step. Today, I'm consciously allowing my love be fly down to the Bay Area (and Kentucky, Scotland, Luxembourg, Seattle, Canada, Arizona and all the other places on the planet holding the lovely people I know) as I line a great soft nest for my heart to alight in.
The rest of me is almost here. I wonder what we'll do when I finally arrive?
I looked for pictures from my trip in August to post with this entry. Somehow this one seems to say it all.
John Magee and Buddy the Special Needs Goat - click to enlarge.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Let the Phestival of Phoebe Begin!
Sten and Cori came down from Seattle to see "Stay for the Cake" this weekend. What a lovely surprise! After a visit to Powell's this morning, Sten took us down to Multnomah Village and simply the coolest beer store I've ever seen. So Tyler got me some special brews to celebrate the big Four-Oh this month. I'll report as I crack them open. 
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